Stumbling upon the information that the top conditions associated with my symptoms were Transient Ischemic Attacks (mini strokes), a stroke and Multiple Sclerosis was something of a bolt from the blue. This was some pretty serious shit. But surely something of this magnitude would have been easily detected by at least one of the numerous physicians I have seen over the past two years. Wouldn’t it?
As I read through the details of strokes and TIAs, most of the symptoms fit…
Muscle weakness on one side of the body
Numbness or tingling on one side of the body
Changes in sensation (including temperature)
Changes in hearing
Loss of balance
Vertigo and dizziness
It went on to explain that TIAs are a medical emergency. They are warnings that a larger stroke is most likely forthcoming and it was urged to seek medical attention immediately if a TIA was suspected.
I felt a lurch in the pit of my stomach.
Could I have been suffering TIAs all this time? Or worse, a stroke? It was difficult to not panic over this unsubstantiated information, though it appeared to be a potential explanation for what had been happening. I couldn’t help but wonder if my loss of one body function after another was the result of permanent brain damage from one or more strokes and if I was in imminent danger of having another, more massive one.
As I read on, however, there was one main characteristic of a TIA that did not correspond with my saga. While TIA symptoms come on suddenly, they do not last long (from a few minutes to 24 hours) and disappear completely. My symptoms have lingered, each occurrence lasting longer than the one before. With a typical stroke, symptoms come on suddenly and may slowly get worse. That was definitely more in line with what I had been experiencing, but was it really likely that something this significant and this serious could have been missed by so many doctors? Also, this didn’t explain the tightness around my chest or the paralysis.
But what else could it be? Obviously it wasn’t Multiple Sclerosis; I was far too young for something like that. Then again, I seemed awful young to have a stroke. Out of sheer curiosity, and believing that I wouldn’t find any helpful information, I clicked on the WebMD link for details on Multiple Sclerosis...
Tingling
Numbness
Loss of balance
Blurred or impaired vision
Hearing problems
Weakness in one or more limbs
Sudden onset of paralysis
Lack of coordination
Fatigue
Dizziness and vertigo
Abnormal sensations (including burning or cold sensations or sensations of pain)
Feeling a band of tightness around the body
Whoa. With the exception of vision problems, I had experienced every single one of these symptoms over the past two years. Every single one. This accounted for everything, even the tightness in my chest and the hearing loss. A tiny wave of shock and dread washed over me. This fit!
I went on to read that additional symptoms can include impaired thinking, inability to focus and cognitive difficulties, such as forgetting names and words. As I read this, it occurred to me that I had been struggling to think clearly lately. I have been forgetting things that I know, including names and often fumbling through sentences trying to think of the right words. I chalked this up to the stress of everything I had been dealing with, but…..could these also be symptoms I have been over looking?
I continued reading…
MS is a disease of the brain and spinal cord – the central nervous system. MS gradually destroys myelin, the protective coating surrounding the nerves, which hinders the brain from communicating properly with the rest of the body. This, in turn, causes the malfunctions that are the symptoms of MS. As MS gets worse, additional symptoms such as tremors, difficulty walking, inability to control the bladder and bowel and difficulty with speech and swallowing may occur.
I slammed my laptop shut. I couldn’t read anymore of this, it was too overwhelming to contemplate. I had no idea what to do; I just sat there in shock and disbelief. Then I broke down and started to cry. It was near midnight at this point and I sat in the dark, alone, and I just cried.
Could MS really be the answer to my unsolved health mysteries? If so, is this what my future held? Would my body continue to deteriorate until I could no longer walk or speak properly or control my own bladder? Difficulty swallowing? Tremors? Oh God.
I stood up and began to pace as my bawling became increasingly more hysterical. I didn’t know what to do with myself. It was late, the world was asleep. It was just me, alone in the dark with these horrifying thoughts.
And then I just stopped. I stood in the middle if my dark living room, my eyes burning and hair clinging to my wet face, and I took a breath…
Okay girl…just calm down. There’s a reason we don’t watch scary movies alone in the dark, the same should go for reading scary things online. I told myself that I was making something out of nothing, and that chances were I was reading way too much into this and making connections that weren’t really there. And anyway, the middle of the night was hardly the time to hash through my health problems; best to just put it out of my mind and go to sleep. I was exhausted.
I took a few more deep breaths and dragged myself off to bed where Nick was already sound asleep. I crawled into bed as quietly as I could and curled up next to him, gently wrapping his arms around me. Futilely, I tried to put what I had read out of my mind. But like trying to move a stubborn cat off the bed, what I had learned was determinately remaining at the forefront of my thoughts. Not wanting to wake Nick, I rolled over and buried my face in my pillow and silently cried myself to sleep.
Showing posts with label research. Show all posts
Showing posts with label research. Show all posts
Sunday, May 2, 2010
Sunday, April 4, 2010
Part 7 - Progress, Setbacks and Discoveries
After my decision to renounce modern medicine for a while, I sought treatment from an acupuncturist and a chiropractor. I was fairly green with chiropractic care and was completely new to acupuncture; I had no clue what to expect. At my very first visits with each practitioner, however, I was given something that the last four medical physicians had failed to provide: validation. Instead of doubt, I was met with concern and reassurance and they both conveyed a sincere desire to want to help me. For this, I was extremely grateful. I had no idea if either of them could solve my health mystery, or even make any kind of impact on my condition. I was simply relieved and encouraged that I was finally being treated like a human being. As far as I was concerned, that was a step in the right direction.
After reviewing all of my symptoms over the last year and a half, several theories were immediately suggested: a compressed cervical disc or a pinched nerve. Well this was certainly an improvement over the “It Just Happens” hypothesis, and so I spent the next two weeks receiving treatments from both practitioners.
Much to my intense disappointment, however, none of it was making any difference. In fact, I was getting worse. The numbness was somewhat less intense and I had regained a small amount of movement in my left hand, but it was still basically non-functional. And it now felt constantly cold; an aching, burning cold. To the touch of anyone else (and to my own right hand) it felt perfectly normal, but to me it felt like my left hand was submerged in a bucket of ice. I had also lost hearing in my left ear.
Upon learning these developments, my chiropractor decided that this wasn’t a simple case of a pinched nerve or compressed disc and he confessed his growing concern that this was something much more serious. He suggested I see a neurologist and gave me the name of someone that came highly suggested from some of his other patients.
I felt defeated. While I appreciated the care and the honesty with which I was treated by both my chiropractor and acupuncturist, I still didn’t have any answers. Still no one knew what was wrong with me and my condition, whatever that was, was worsening.
And a neurologist? Really? That brought to mind brain tumors and mad cow disease. What did my chiropractor suspect I could have that would warrant a neurologist? I wasn’t sure that I was quite ready for that, or if I was ready to give the medical community another opportunity to kick me while I was down. I did feel, however, that it was time for me to educate myself on my symptoms and start doing a bit of my own research.
Meanwhile, I was still working full time at my job as an optician. If I thought dressing myself and trying to do my hair with one hand was a challenge, it was nothing to trying to repair delicate eyewear and replace teeny tiny screws in glasses. Total nightmare. My co-workers expressed a great deal of concern and were as helpful and understanding as possible, but daily business flow and scheduling requirements made it nearly impossible for me to have help all of the time.
I went from keying 70 wpm to a one-handed hunt-and-peck, which seriously slowed my productivity. As I could no longer hear out of my left ear, I had to hold the phone between my right ear and my shoulder while trying to peck at the keyboard with my right hand. When it came to repairs, I devised an ingenious way of holding a pair of eyeglass frames steady by gently wedging it between the counter and my stomach and then using my left hand as just a dead weight to keep it from tipping over. I could then use my right hand to turn a screw. Ingenious, but difficult as hell. Adjusting a pair of frames was a different matter entirely, and there were a few times I had to embarrassingly ask patients to come back another time when someone more able was available. Working like this was beyond complicated and completely exhausting.
As if trying to work this way wasn’t demanding enough, the very act of getting to work was another task entirely. As someone who has always taken pride in her appearance and maintained a professional image at work, I was finding it extremely difficult to show up looking like I had just rolled out of bed. A look, mind you, that took me a good hour to achieve. It was simply impossible to do a pony tail with one hand (though that didn’t prevent me from attempting this every single morning) and, despite my best efforts, a frizzy mess was the best I could pull off. Button-up blouses were completely out of the question, so I resorted to some of my nicer t-shirts, hoping no one would notice they were t-shits underneath my lab coat. Makeup was reduced to the bare minimum, as I was learning just how much I used my left hand to apply eyeliner and mascara. Jewelry was also out of the question, as I had no means of fastening a necklace or even my watch. Thank God I had slip-on shoes I could wear to work.
I had no idea how much I used my left hand until I couldn’t.
Living like this was draining to the core. My days at work consumed every ounce of energy and motivation I possessed, and I spent my evenings at home on the couch or in bed with a heat pack on my freezing-but-not-really -freezing hand, my laptop and a billion questions racing through my mind. Where were the Doctor House’s of the world when you needed them? Sure, Dr. House would have to stop my heart a few times and unnecessarily saw open my skull, but after making an intern cry and some sharply delivered wit he (and those piercing blue eyes) would have me diagnosed in an hour (45 minutes without commercials). *sigh* If only.
Once again, my husband was an absolute gem. He stepped up and took complete responsibility for all the household chores, laundry and meal preparation. He was working full time, same as me, but he knew I just didn’t have it in me at the end of the day. It was difficult for me to sit idly while Nick did all the things that I felt I was supposed to be doing. But once again he did it without question and with love. My attempts to help were only met with protest. God bless that man.
Sleep was difficult to come by due to a combination of pain, discomfort and worry and I spent quite a few nights online looking up information on my symptoms. I found a lot of information on compressed spinal discs and pinched nerves, but not all of the symptoms fit and I had symptoms above and beyond the norm for those conditions. Strokes kept coming up in my searches, but it didn’t seem likely that I could be having strokes. Could it? No, I would know if they were strokes. Wouldn’t I? Then I remembered WebMd and their symptom checker. I had only used it in the past for minor things like coughs and fevers, but I thought perhaps it could be a simple way to get more information on other conditions.
I plugged in my two major symptoms first, the numbness on my left side and the paralysis, which resulted in a fairly large list. As I kept adding symptoms, the list narrowed and three possible conditions moved to the top of the list: Transient ischemic attack (a TIA or mini stroke), stroke and Multiple Sclerosis.
After reviewing all of my symptoms over the last year and a half, several theories were immediately suggested: a compressed cervical disc or a pinched nerve. Well this was certainly an improvement over the “It Just Happens” hypothesis, and so I spent the next two weeks receiving treatments from both practitioners.
Much to my intense disappointment, however, none of it was making any difference. In fact, I was getting worse. The numbness was somewhat less intense and I had regained a small amount of movement in my left hand, but it was still basically non-functional. And it now felt constantly cold; an aching, burning cold. To the touch of anyone else (and to my own right hand) it felt perfectly normal, but to me it felt like my left hand was submerged in a bucket of ice. I had also lost hearing in my left ear.
Upon learning these developments, my chiropractor decided that this wasn’t a simple case of a pinched nerve or compressed disc and he confessed his growing concern that this was something much more serious. He suggested I see a neurologist and gave me the name of someone that came highly suggested from some of his other patients.
I felt defeated. While I appreciated the care and the honesty with which I was treated by both my chiropractor and acupuncturist, I still didn’t have any answers. Still no one knew what was wrong with me and my condition, whatever that was, was worsening.
And a neurologist? Really? That brought to mind brain tumors and mad cow disease. What did my chiropractor suspect I could have that would warrant a neurologist? I wasn’t sure that I was quite ready for that, or if I was ready to give the medical community another opportunity to kick me while I was down. I did feel, however, that it was time for me to educate myself on my symptoms and start doing a bit of my own research.
Meanwhile, I was still working full time at my job as an optician. If I thought dressing myself and trying to do my hair with one hand was a challenge, it was nothing to trying to repair delicate eyewear and replace teeny tiny screws in glasses. Total nightmare. My co-workers expressed a great deal of concern and were as helpful and understanding as possible, but daily business flow and scheduling requirements made it nearly impossible for me to have help all of the time.
I went from keying 70 wpm to a one-handed hunt-and-peck, which seriously slowed my productivity. As I could no longer hear out of my left ear, I had to hold the phone between my right ear and my shoulder while trying to peck at the keyboard with my right hand. When it came to repairs, I devised an ingenious way of holding a pair of eyeglass frames steady by gently wedging it between the counter and my stomach and then using my left hand as just a dead weight to keep it from tipping over. I could then use my right hand to turn a screw. Ingenious, but difficult as hell. Adjusting a pair of frames was a different matter entirely, and there were a few times I had to embarrassingly ask patients to come back another time when someone more able was available. Working like this was beyond complicated and completely exhausting.
As if trying to work this way wasn’t demanding enough, the very act of getting to work was another task entirely. As someone who has always taken pride in her appearance and maintained a professional image at work, I was finding it extremely difficult to show up looking like I had just rolled out of bed. A look, mind you, that took me a good hour to achieve. It was simply impossible to do a pony tail with one hand (though that didn’t prevent me from attempting this every single morning) and, despite my best efforts, a frizzy mess was the best I could pull off. Button-up blouses were completely out of the question, so I resorted to some of my nicer t-shirts, hoping no one would notice they were t-shits underneath my lab coat. Makeup was reduced to the bare minimum, as I was learning just how much I used my left hand to apply eyeliner and mascara. Jewelry was also out of the question, as I had no means of fastening a necklace or even my watch. Thank God I had slip-on shoes I could wear to work.
I had no idea how much I used my left hand until I couldn’t.
Living like this was draining to the core. My days at work consumed every ounce of energy and motivation I possessed, and I spent my evenings at home on the couch or in bed with a heat pack on my freezing-but-not-really -freezing hand, my laptop and a billion questions racing through my mind. Where were the Doctor House’s of the world when you needed them? Sure, Dr. House would have to stop my heart a few times and unnecessarily saw open my skull, but after making an intern cry and some sharply delivered wit he (and those piercing blue eyes) would have me diagnosed in an hour (45 minutes without commercials). *sigh* If only.
Once again, my husband was an absolute gem. He stepped up and took complete responsibility for all the household chores, laundry and meal preparation. He was working full time, same as me, but he knew I just didn’t have it in me at the end of the day. It was difficult for me to sit idly while Nick did all the things that I felt I was supposed to be doing. But once again he did it without question and with love. My attempts to help were only met with protest. God bless that man.
Sleep was difficult to come by due to a combination of pain, discomfort and worry and I spent quite a few nights online looking up information on my symptoms. I found a lot of information on compressed spinal discs and pinched nerves, but not all of the symptoms fit and I had symptoms above and beyond the norm for those conditions. Strokes kept coming up in my searches, but it didn’t seem likely that I could be having strokes. Could it? No, I would know if they were strokes. Wouldn’t I? Then I remembered WebMd and their symptom checker. I had only used it in the past for minor things like coughs and fevers, but I thought perhaps it could be a simple way to get more information on other conditions.
I plugged in my two major symptoms first, the numbness on my left side and the paralysis, which resulted in a fairly large list. As I kept adding symptoms, the list narrowed and three possible conditions moved to the top of the list: Transient ischemic attack (a TIA or mini stroke), stroke and Multiple Sclerosis.
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