Part 6: Deja-vu

I went to bed on Thanksgiving night hoping against hope that I would wake up the next day to a fully-functioning body. No such luck. The entire left side of my body was still numb and aching, my chest was still being squeezed and my hand was still paralyzed. Brilliant. Also, that funny thing with my feet was back; that prickly sort of shocking sensation they would get when I tipped my head down. It had been quite some time since I experienced this and I never really thought anything of it before. Strange it would come back now with everything else going on.

My panic had eased at this point since none of my limbs had fallen off in the night, but I was still terribly disturbed by the fact that half my body was malfunctioning. Looking back, this was the third time something weird and inexplicable had occurred with my body. And each occurrence had been more intense than the last. Could there be a connection? Surely this wasn’t coincidence; all these symptoms must be suggestive of something. The question was….what?

The only medical office open that holiday weekend was InstaCare. They’re notorious for their long waits, but I felt it was imperative to be seen that day. Once again Nick had to help me get dressed. I struggled to put my hair in a pony tail for nearly twenty minutes, during which time I uttered some pretty creative curse words and damned several things to hell. Eventually I gave up and decided just to go. At least I had shoes on, which Nick had to tie for me.

Once we arrived and were in the exam room, I was rather impressed to learn that all patient charts were now on computer and that this doctor also had access to my medical history right on his laptop. Neat! That would save me a lot of explaining. The doctor seemed to listen attentively as I detailed everything I was experiencing, even mentioning the feet thing and some of my past experiences with the vertigo and facial numbness. He asked a couple clarifying questions and did a few sensory tests, making notes along the way. Then, much to my shock and amazement, some very familiar words were spoken….

“Well, I don’t know that I’d really be too worried about it. These neurological disturbances happen sometimes and they usually go away on their own.”

Uhhhhhh……he was joking, right? He had to be fucking joking. Was I really hearing this for what seemed like the hundredth time? I’d lost feeling in half my body and my hand was paralyzed! That just happens sometimes?? This really raises no red flags? An eyebrow even? Was this guy really going to send me out the door with yet another “don’t worry about it”?

I was floored. I honestly don’t know what I was expecting to hear, but I was certainly not expecting to be disregarded once again. My concern was now giving way to exasperation and anger.

Part of me really wanted to lay into this guy and impart the extremely colorful rant that was going through my head. But logic told me it would be useless to argue with him and that it could really only result in some uncomplimentary notes in my medical file. I simply gave him a disingenuous thanks and left.

I’d had it. Something was going on and I was no longer buying the story of “these things just happen”. The facial numbness, the dizziness, the tingling in my feet, the vertigo and now this; something was definitely not right. Why would no one take me seriously?

I had never fathomed that something like this was possible. Aren’t doctors supposed to be the authority on the human body? Is it not their trade to investigate the clues to come to a diagnosis and work to restore health? I realize that doctors are also human beings, and human beings can be flawed. No one is perfect, not even physicians. But four in a row giving me the same mollifying explanation was, in my opinion, beyond contemptible.

I was done. I resolved to not waste any more time with doctors. Instead, I decided to look into the options available with alternative medicine and, in the meantime, start doing a bit of my own research.

The Beginning - Part 4: Doctors (continued)

March gave way into April and I was starting to feel some improvement. The dizziness was slowly diminishing and by the third week in April, it was gone. At this point there seemed little reason to keep my appointment the following week with Dr. Dizzy, but I decided to go anyway. I waited all this time, I might as well discuss what happened; perhaps he could shed some light on this mystery.

Dr. Dizzy was very kind and patient, and listened attentively as I recounted yet again the events that began nearly two months ago. He performed a few tests that measured my eye movement and hearing, as well as my balance and responses to certain head movements and changes in head level (between sitting, laying down, etc.). All of my responses were normal. "Everything looks just fine," he said. “I’m not sure what the problem is.”

Um….no kidding! Of course everything is fine...now! Whatever this was had passed while I was waiting a month to be seen. At this point I was simply hoping for an experts’ theory on what could have happened and if it's something I should be concerned about. Might he have an inkling, a tiny sparking ember of an idea? No such luck. After waiting a month for this guy who was built up as a leading expert, being told the obvious was a bit more than I could take.

I often thank the powers that be that others are unable to hear my internal dialogue. And instead of imparting the rant that was going on inside my head, I simply smiled, thanked him for his time and left his office feeling considerably agitated.

Someone once said that expectation is the root of all heartache. I don't know what I expected from this doctor, but yet another "I don't know" certainly wasn't it. I decided there was no point in pursuing this any further and resolved to put it out of my mind. After all, Summer was just around the corner and the next few months were going to be jam-packed.

Nick and I were set to be the attendants at our friend's wedding to be held in Las Vegas the first weekend in May. There was also a trip to Seattle booked for the end of May with my best friend. Additionally, we had begun packing up our apartment as we had begun a bit of preliminary house-hunting with promising prospects. Plus with Mothers Day and Fathers Day coming up, I just didn't have time worry about this anymore. Whatever it was, it was over and I was looking forward to a really great Summer.