Part 5: Uncomfortably Numb

The summer of 2006 turned out to be fairly eventful. We took some trips, attended a few concerts and enjoyed a ton of barbecues and summer festivities with friends and family. The most notable event, however, was the purchase of our first home. We couldn’t have been more thrilled! Life was good, all was well and we were having a blast. Best of all, I was feeling fine. The vertigo hadn’t returned, the nausea was gone and my energy levels seemed to have bounced back to normal. That unsolved health thing was ancient history.

Months passed and summer gave way into fall, my favorite time of year. Colorful trees, cozy sweaters, spicy warm drinks and pumpkin pie…what’s not to love? Fall also meant Thanksgiving. And with our new house finally put together, we decided to host both of our families for Thanksgiving dinner. This would be our first time as hosts as well as our first time preparing a meal on this scale. This would also be the first time both families would be together in one room. Needless to say, this event was presenting us with a few minor anxieties. Still, Nick and I were looking forward to embracing this role in the Thanksgiving tradition.

We awoke early on Thanksgiving morning, eager to get our first-ever turkey buttered, seasoned and in the oven. As I was working up the energy to pry open my tired eyes, I noticed a very odd sensation…a numb feeling all over the left side of my body. Geez, I really must have slept weird, I thought, and I started shifting around a bit to encourage my limbs to wake up.

But they didn’t wake up. And as I stood up and started moving around, I was beginning to feel the extent of this numbness. It was everything on the left side of my body. Everything. My leg, my butt, all around my torso and my chest, my entire arm and up into my shoulders and neck….front, back, everything was numb to the point that I could barely feel the touch of my own hand. Additionally, my chest and torso felt very tight, like I was being squeezed by a bra two sizes too small. Except I wasn’t wearing a bra.

Groggy and unnerved, I wandered into the bathroom to wash my face and brush my teeth. Perhaps if I just kept moving I could get some circulation going. As I reached for the toothpaste with my left hand, it slipped from my grasp immediately. Annoyed with my own clumsiness, I bent over to pick it up off the floor. But I couldn’t grasp it. My fingers were stiff and spastic. I grappled with the tube for a minute or so, but try as I might my fingers kept slipping and fumbling. I had zero sensation in my hand and I had no motor control. My hand was paralyzed.

I froze. I had no idea what to do. For a few moments my mind went blank and I just stood in the bathroom, barefoot and in pajamas, staring at the tube of toothpaste on the floor. And then, as if someone flipped a switch, the panic in my mind activated and forbidding thoughts began to whirl around in my head….

What the fuck was going on? Was this a stroke? A heart attack? No, a heart attack would be on the right side. Or is it the left? I don’t know! Should I be dialing 911? I don’t want to go to the emergency room! This can’t be happening today, it can’t! I have ten people showing up at my door in 6 hours and I have a house to clean and a huge holiday meal to prepare from scratch!

Frantic, I made for the kitchen to find Nick and explain what was happening. He felt that this was neither a heart attack nor a stroke, but agreed this was seriously concerning. We discussed going to the emergency room, as that was the only option for medical care on Thanksgiving Day. After some thought, however, I decided against it. My life didn’t seem to be in any imminent danger and I certainly didn’t want to spend the day in the ER. Plus I didn’t want to ruin Thanksgiving for everyone. I decided to just plow on through the day as best I could.

With only one side of my body functioning, there really wasn’t much I could do and I felt relatively useless. Nick rose gloriously to the occasion and did majority of the cooking and cleaning. Meanwhile I tackled the job of getting myself cleaned up and dressed, which was proving to be an epic task. Putting on a shirt, pulling up pants, putting my hair in a pony tail….basic things I do every day had suddenly become damn near impossible to do by myself. This frustrated and angered me beyond belief. But also, it petrified me. What the hell was happening?

As the day progressed, the numbness did not subside and my whole body was becoming increasingly uncomfortable, achy and tight. I had this gnawing thought in the back of my mind that perhaps I was being stupid and this was a lot more serious than I was allowing myself to believe it was. But guests would be arriving soon and I needed to get myself together. I convinced myself that if it were really that serious, I would probably be on the floor by now. I just needed to suck it up for one afternoon.

Once the family arrived, we all gathered in the kitchen. Everyone talked and enjoyed the great meal that Nick had prepared. As is traditional with Nick’s family, they all went around the table and acknowledged what they were thankful for. I sat at the table and quietly ate while I listened, nodding and smiling at the conversation taking place around me; I simply didn’t have the mental capacity to join in. I felt strangely detached, as if I was observing myself from the outside. The entire situation was a bit surreal, but I was determined to stay as involved as I could.

No one was wise to what was going on with me that day, which was my choice. I loathe being the center of attention and I didn’t want the focus to be on me that day. Besides, we didn’t even know what was going on. I just wanted everyone to enjoy a nice Thanksgiving. And perhaps a little dose of denial would keep me from completely losing my shit over this.

I just needed to make it through to the pie. Predictably, my mother-in-law had to go to work later that day (an unfortunate downfall of working retail) and, if history was any indication, the family would begin to dissipate once we were done with pie and mom had gone. I could make it until pie. Tomorrow, I would find out which medical facilities were open.