The Beginning - Part 3

March 7, 2006

Despite my hopes, I didn’t wake up feeling right as rain. Quite the contrary, in fact. While the vertigo had calmed itself down to a dull roar, I still had zero equilibrium. I could sit up in bed with minimal trouble, but getting out of it was another situation entirely. The instant I attempted to stand, I hit the floor. My head still felt like it was made of lead, heavy and being pulled downward. I couldn’t stand, I couldn’t walk. I was a marionette whose strings had been cut.

The thing about being in a situation like this is that you really learn a lot about your relationships. And yourself. I needed help with everything. I was powerless to even get myself to the bathroom, having to swallow yet another gulp of pride and allow Nick to haul me in there, help me get my pants down and place me on the seat. I was able to hang onto the bathroom counter for support, so I’d make Nick leave the room while I attended to business. He would then return to get me up again, help get my pants up and get me back in bed. At 26 years old, this experience was about as humbling as it gets.

But Nick did it without hesitation and without question, and with more love than I could have possibly imagined. He didn’t think, he just acted out of pure reflex. I needed him and, as far as he was concerned, that was all the reason he needed to spring into action; action that was driven by love and devotion.

It wasn’t until years later, when I was helping Nick with similar activities after his knee replacement surgery, that I fully understood this. I knew Nick loved me more than anything, but I don’t know that I thoroughly understood how deep that devotion went. Perhaps he didn't either. This experience revealed strengths that I don't think either of us knew we had and it illuminated what was truly important to us....each other.

By Wednesday my equilibrium had more or less returned. I could walk around the house if I had a wall or chair on which to steady myself. My boss advised me to take the rest of the week off work, for which I was extremely grateful. I was still very weak and unsteady and still experiencing small bouts of vertigo. The episodes were brief, but would have been dangerous were they to occur behind the wheel of a car; I was grateful for the time to rest and recuperate. But one question still remained….what the hell caused this?

That afternoon, I called my doctor.